There are a myriad of reasons why I wanted my friend Katy (up to shenanigans with me in the pic below) to post here on Belle Belle. The first, you’ll quickly notice is that she is funny as hell (please see @KatyWellhousen and @VodkaVendettas on Twitter). The second, when the going gets tough, she’s there for me. And there is nothing like a quick reminder of why we make and break resolutions to reset and recharge – something I am certainly in need of this mid-February day. Hope you guys enjoy (and laugh your asses off as much as I did):

4 Reasons Your New Year’s Resolutions Aren’t Getting You Anywhere

I really wanted to title this, “4 Reasons Your New Year’s Resolutions Aren’t Getting You Anywhere but Your Ex-Boyfriend’s Blocked Numbers List,” but that was a little long and taking up too much prime Twitter character count.

This all comes from a place of love and understanding. Because I get you. I know relationships like Carrie Bradshaw knows a shoe sale. I’ve true-loved, texted first and initiated “The Talk.” I know diving into that third Wendy’s Frosty like H&M knows David Beckham’s abs. I’ve French fry-dipped, self-loathed and told myself I was only going to eat baby carrots for two weeks straight. And typically I tried all of these right around the turn of the new year. And where did that get me? In bed with two men: Ben and Jerry.

Finally one day I woke up and realized that French manicures just weren’t cool anymore. Oh and also that New Year’s resolutions don’t work.

1. January 1 is just a day.

Think about it. It is, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s a Sunday — setting you up perfectly for a new year, a new week and a new YOU! But then sometimes it’s a Tuesday and how can you really start a whole new life on a Tuesday (you ask yourself as you order takeout)? Don’t let the dead guys who probably just got bored coming up with names of months decide when you stop drunk texting your ex and start caring about you and the badass-betch you are. Just start!

2. You’re totally hungover on New Year’s Day.

Let’s be honest. You celebrated the “end of the old you,” by getting wasted-face on New Year’s Eve. Are you going to wake up and convince Hangover You that a salad will really cure your problem? No. Hangover You is used to No-Self-Control You feeding it a cheeseburger and fries. It’s day one and you’re already screwing up.

3. You rely too much on calendar motivation and not personal motivation.

“2014 is going to be my year!” you say to yourself. You tell yourself that for the next 365 days you’re going to eat less, exercise more, stop responding to his booty calls, keep your sock drawer organized, whatever. After all, “Swimsuit season is only five months away!” But then what happens? The National Championship Game. The Super Bowl. Mardi Gras. Your best friend’s boyfriend’s birthday. A snow storm. That calendar that you were just so reliant on just became your worst enemy. And now you’re waiting for some other calendar event (Lent, perhaps?) to tell you when you should start improving yourself (again).

4. Everyone else is failing their New Year’s resolutions, too.

Raise your hand if you know at least one other person who made a New Year’s resolution. OK, now put your hand down because what are you doing raising your hand randomly in public, weirdo? Everyone makes a New Year’s resolution. Everyone. Even I, who is currently telling you that New Year’s resolutions are a bunch of crap, made a New Year’s resolution. (Mine was to eat less carbs, more veggies. I just had a bagel.) Nothing makes this clearer than a regular gym goer such as myself showing up at the gym at her typical 5:30 a.m. time come January 2nd and having to park in Canada (Oh hey, Beiber) because of all the cars in the parking lot. But guess what? It’s mid-February and now the gym has dwindled back down to my little group of regulars. The point is, it’s a lot easier to feel better about completely blowing off whatever it was you said you were going to do or change because hey, everyone else is doing it.

I’m not telling you you can’t make a positive change in your life. You can totally, 100% make a positive change in your life. If you had told me three years ago that I would be a 5:30 a.m. gym regular, lifting weights, counting calories and spending money on a personal trainer, I would have said, “Can you pass the French fries please?” What I’m telling you is not to rely on some stupid day to tell you that you can change. Rely on yourself. You are your own best friend.

Most importantly, don’t give up just because you have a minor (or entire gallon of ice-cream sized) hiccup! Remember when you were six and all you wanted was to cross the monkey bars? You’d make it three bars and fall and skin your knee. And you might cry a little. But the next day you were out on the playground and you’d try again. You’d have calluses on your hands and bruises on your knees, but one day, you crossed the monkey bars. And then you crossed them again. And again. And again.

Don’t give up what you want most for what you want in the moment. Cross the damn monkey bars. No matter what day it is.

Need more Katy in your life? Check out @KatyWellhousen and @VodkaVendettas on Twitter.

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